Turning 40: What I Wish I Knew in My 20s and 30s

Turning 40 is a milestone that comes with an unexpected gift—that of clarity and self-awareness. It’s the age when you stop chasing things that don’t truly matter and start embracing what does. Looking back at my 20s and 30s, I see the lessons I wish I had learned sooner. If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to stop worrying so much. I would tell her to trust her instincts and know that success, happiness, and self-worth are not defined by anyone else.

For those between 20s and 30s, here are the biggest lessons I’ve learned. These can save you years of unnecessary doubt, stress, and self-comparison.

1. Stop Living for Others’ Expectations

For the longest time, I lived my life based on what I thought I should do instead of what I wanted to do. In my 20s, I pursued paths that seemed impressive on paper. These included job titles, relationships, lifestyle choices—because they aligned with what society deemed “successful.” But here’s the truth: Success feels empty when it’s not truly what your heart wants.

If I go back, I’d tell myself to tune out the noise. To stop seeking validation through the approval of others, may it be teachers, parents, friends, or romantic partners. True fulfillment comes when you follow what excites you, not what looks good to the world.

What is one area of your life where you feel stuck? What would you do if you believed it wasn’t too late to change it? Answer in the comments below.

What to do instead:

• Ask yourself, “If no one was watching, what would I choose?”
• Learn to differentiate between the external pressure of doing something because someone told you to and your actual desires.
• Give yourself permission to follow unconventional paths.

2. Time Does Not Return

When I was young, I wasted so much time on things that didn’t deserve my energy. I spent time with people and places that drained me. I pursued opportunities that weren’t aligned with my values. I engaged in activities that didn’t bring real joy. The biggest lie we tell ourselves in our 20s and 30s is that we have all the time in the world. But time is the one thing you never get back.

At 40, I see time differently. I now protect it fiercely. I no longer say yes just to make people happy. I don’t waste hours worrying about what people think of me. I prioritise what truly matters—my family, my passions, and my mental well-being.

What you can do:

• Be intentional about where and with whom you spend your time.
• Cut out activities (and people) that drain you without guilt.
• Invest your time in what will still matter a decade from now.

3. Failure Only Means You’ve Tried

In my 20s, I was paralysed by perfectionism. I didn’t start things unless I felt 100% ready. I second-guessed myself, overthought every decision, and let fear of failure (& what people will think) hold me back. But the truth is, failure is absolutely vital for your soul’s growth. It will teach you things about yourself that nothing else can. No one has it all figured out, and waiting for the “perfect time” only leads to missed opportunities.

At 40, I finally understand that it’s better to take imperfect action than to stay stuck. You don’t need to have all the answers to start. You just need to start. Just like that little birdie that falls down several times in its quest to fly till one day it can finally soar its wings and fly.

What to do instead:

• Take action—perfection (and right time) is overrated.
• Don’t wait for confidence; it comes after action, not before.
• Embrace failure and mistakes as part of growth.

4. How You Feel Is As Important As How You Look— Take Care of Your Physical and Mental Health

In my younger years, I took my physical and mental health for granted. I worked long hours, skipped meals, developed unhealthy food habits, ignored rest, and treated exhaustion as a badge of honor. But in my 40s, I’ve realised that how you treat your body determines the quality of your (present and future) life.

Health isn’t about looking a certain way—it’s about feeling good, having energy, and the ability to live fully. Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. The earlier you respect your body, the better it serves you in the years ahead.

What you can do:

• Prioritise sleep, nutrition, and movement—your future self will thank you.
• Stop punishing your body with extreme diets or overwork.
• Listen to your body’s signals instead of ignoring them.

5. Not Everyone Is Meant to Stay in Your Life—and That’s Okay

In my 20s and early 30s, I held onto friendships and relationships longer than I should have—out of loyalty, guilt, or fear of change. But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. And that’s okay.

People grow in different directions. Some friendships are there only for certain chapters of your life. Some relationships don’t align with who you’re becoming. Holding on to people who no longer bring you joy or support your growth only holds you back.

Have you ever held onto a friendship or relationship longer than you should have? What made you stay? Answer in the comments below.

What to do instead:

• Let go of relationships that feel one-sided or draining.
• Surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift you, and most importantly, align with your future goals and feelings.
• Recognise that outgrowing people is part of life’s evolution. It does not always have to be bitter; wish them well and move on.

6. Happiness Comes from Within—Not from Achievements or Possessions

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I believed happiness was something I would “arrive at” once I had the perfect job, the right partner, the dream house, or a certain income. But every time I reached a milestone, I found myself still searching. Eventually, as I neared my 40s, I realised that happiness isn’t found in things—it’s a state of mind.

Happiness comes from being present, from appreciating the little moments, from creating a life that aligns with your values. It’s not about what you have but how you feel.

What you can do:

• Stop chasing happiness—find joy in the now.
• Focus on gratitude and presence over external achievements.
• Redefine success in a way that feels meaningful to you. Never compare yourself with others.

7. It is OK to Reinvent Yourself

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that once we choose a path, we have to stick to it forever. But growth means change. At 40, I’ve given myself permission to reinvent myself multiple times —personally, professionally, and creatively.

You are never “too old” to start something new, to pivot careers, to move cities, to explore different passions. In fact, my life is the biggest example of following my intuition and reinventing myself. The people who thrive are the ones who allow themselves to evolve.

What to do instead:

• Give yourself permission to change directions.
• Follow what excites you—even if it feels scary.
• Don’t let fear of judgment keep you stuck in a life that no longer fits.

• Stop chasing happiness—find joy in the now.
• Focus on gratitude and presence over external achievements.
• Redefine success in a way that feels meaningful to you. Never compare yourself with others.

8. Learn to Say NO

How many times have you taken on responsibilities, committed to social events, and done things you absolutely didn’t want to, all because you didn’t know how to say no? As you near your 40s, you will realise something important. The only way to protect your time and sanity is to learn to say no. It is a muscle that needs to be developed, especially if you are a recovering people-pleaser like me.

I remember once agreeing to take on a particular client in my travel business who didn’t value my services or time. I kept offering my services because I didn’t know how to say no. Eventually, I learned my lesson—the hard way! Not just that, my personal life saw me engaging in friendships that didn’t bring me any happiness or genuine care. Yet I continued them till one day I got burned. Now, I have reclaimed that power. I have the power to say no when things, places, and people don’t align with me. It has been a game-changer in the quality of my life.

It’s Never Too Late to Start Living Fully!

If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s that you don’t have to wait until 40 to embrace these lessons. You can start now. You can stop living for others’ expectations, reclaim your time, let go of perfectionism, and prioritise what truly matters.

Life isn’t about checking off society’s boxes. It’s about creating a life that feels right for you. And no matter where you are now, you have the power to shape your future.

I’d love to hear from you. Which of these lessons resonates most with you? What’s something you’ve learned about yourself as you’ve grown older? Let’s talk in the comments!